Enix’s childhood slap-to-the-face.

What a classic example of old-school video game anger. They don’t make RPG’s this unforgiving anymore; Ever since Enix joined Square it has felt like every game is a spy-fiction adaption to the power puff girls. Every new game that comes out has random coding flying across the screen with a group of rehashed anime doorknobs as lead characters. This new trend of high-technology meets old fantasy magic is horrible, and the hollow worlds developers create now leave the characters just as empty. At least when video game characters had no personality developers didn’t waste your time with hours of CG to pretend they did.
The 7th Saga doesn’t have any of this crap. It’s main purpose is to kick you in the dick, and end. It hurts my brain to imagine it was designed when the gaming market was still aimed at kids. I can’t possibly grasp what message this bastard of a game was attempting to deliver. Some of The 7th Saga’s life lessons:

1. Everything kicks your ass (there is a puppy boss).
2. Your friends are all assholes who betray you and take your stuff while your sleeping.
3. Everyone is a liar.
4. God hates you.

This game has been plaguing me since my glorious fat ass days. I remember renting it on Super Nintendo and then dying constantly within 10 minutes. This is a gem - what other game has you level up for nearly an hour to beat the very first boss!
The story line is explained in the first 20 seconds and the rest of the game revolves around random enemies beating you into the ground. I chose the orange alien guy to collect the seven runes with, which was probably a mistake because is magic is worthless. I thought he would hit hard to make up for it, but as it turns out (I’ll explain later) that’s not true either. There is no party: It’s just the character you chose at the start and one other companion if you can convince them to join you. The thing about “companions” is that they might steal all of your runes while you’re asleep. There is no way to see this coming or prevent it; your game is saved as you sleep at an inn. It would seem like having a companion is a bad idea, but its necessary if you want to get anywhere in the game. As always with this piece of shit, your options are fucked or fucked.
While self-hatred is likely the cause, something about this game has kept me coming back for over a decade. I’m not sure what masochistic streak in my brain keeps me picking this up. It just goes to show how incredibly awesome it is. This is not a review, however, but a recap of my adventure as I approach the end of this nasty game.

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I got the sixth rune from this jerk:

This fight was total garbage. He kept vanishing every time I tried to hit him, like it was a mirror image boss trick except all three of them were mirror images. One would hit Valsu (with his new armor) and kill him instantly, and the other two would rip my orange guy to pieces. I had to find this “Star” item in the castle to beat him, they just don’t give you any hint whatsoever that you should be looking for it. Awesome.

I am going to fight Gormia or whatever (Gormea?). I dropped Valsu the green wizard because he was worthless and picked up the knight Kamil, who totally replaced my character as the damage doer (and magic user). He is better at everything. My guy stands there and feeds Kamil more shit to actually kill these bad guys. I know he’s going to rob my ass – I can feel it. I hope I can finish the game before he does. I can’t even fight these enemies without him murdering everything, and if he turns on me I am totally boned.

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